


Trying Not To Love You

by Kyrarae115



Series: Trying Not To Love You [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Smut, French-Speaking Jean Kirstein, JeanMarco Week, M/M, POV Jean Kirstein, Top Marco Bott, Yaoi, attack on highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-14 22:24:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2205228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyrarae115/pseuds/Kyrarae115
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean hasn't seen Marco ever since he was 13 years old. He is now a 19 year old college drop out and works in a Antique Music Store along with two very loud and hungry employees Connie and Sasha,<br/>and when he meets his former best friend after years of wondering what he had done back then to make them drift so apart.. the reunion isn't as good as he dreamt about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> Prologue  
> backstory of JeanMarco

I don’t there ever was a time where I cared as much as I do now. As a child I was a little shit who learnt swear words and screamed ‘fuck’ whenever I got the chance, that was before I met him of course.. my best childhood friend. Marco Bodt.. the freckly fuck that I had the honour of meeting when I was just 5 years old. My father had taken me on a job with him, he was a collector and loved to collect old instruments. If you had told me back then it would be the reason we have so much money and the reason we were so famous right now, I would've told you that you were insane! 

 

“Bon Jean, rappelez-vous ce que j'ai dit?” my father and his French.. in English he said ‘okay Jean remember what I said?’ I nodded, I had to be extra good today even if I hardly wasn’t however the old man promised me a toy car and as a 5 year old I was all over that shit. He knocked the door to this small home, apparently there was this white beautiful piano that my father wanted and he was way too excited for this shit. A friendly small woman answered the door and smiled at both of us, she was rather pretty and extremely freckly with darkish brown hair, I was shy in front of strangers so I hid behind my father being rather hopeful that he’d protect me. I was wrong, from the doorway you could see this beautiful white grand piano, with black flowers decorating the top and sides to which my father immediately ran to and started looking at it in absolute awe.

 

To be honest I didn't know what to do in that moment, I stood outside still and stared up at the woman who was giggling at my father like he was an idiot before she turned to me and knelt down with a smile. “hello there sweetheart.. what’s your name?” she asked in a soothing tone, I blushed and gulped softly before whispering back. “J-Jean..” she was about to say something when a little voice that would change my entire world came from behind her. And fuck was he cute.

 

“I'm Marco! Let’s be best friends Jean!” he gave me a toothy grin and ran in front of what I would found to be his mother, he grabbed me by the hand and practically dragged me upstairs.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

That was our friendship, he was older by two years so he felt he had to protect me and take care of me, that was until I saved him. I was 13 and he was 15.. we had found secret hideout that only we knew about, and as much as that was cool it was also quite dangerous to get to since there were cliffs and rocky pathways. Our hideout was breathtakingly beautiful, you could see all of Trost and it was basically on this huge rocky mountain you had to climb to, we had already put beanbags up there and Marco’s old stereo which ran on batteries, the place was pretty covered so we didn't have to worry about our things getting wet.  
It was a nice sunny day I could never forget it because we were just hanging out on the beanbags like normal weirdos until Marco broke the silence. 

 

“Jean? Can I ask you something?” Marco asked softly, in the tone his mother used often it always seemed to calm me down and I didn't even understand why. I grunted, which was my usual response to everything. “yes then? Anyway.. I was wondering um..you haven’t kissed anyone right?” Marco blushed darkly and stared at the rocky floor to which I sat up and leaned forward tilting my head at the other. “um.. no I haven’t dude, but I mean.. it can’t be hard right?” I was then looking at the ground confused and chewed at my fingers, it was a bad habit I just couldn't get out of when I was in a situation I didn't understand. Marc just stood up from his beanbag and knelt down in front of mine and with a smile he removed my fingers from my mouth. “just.. I've been thinking when I do get a girlfriend, I don’t want to mess it up by not knowing how to.. kiss.” He muttered, I could tell he was incredibly embarrassed and I guess I had been thinking about that to.. what if when I had my dream girl Mikasa Ackerman from class 2-B she broke things off with me because after we kiss she would find out I was a lousy kisser?! I immediately shuddered and frowned at the thought before looking down at Marco and smiling having an idea of how they could practise and be lousy together. They were best friends right? It wouldn't be weird plus it could be their little secret like this hideout.

 

“H-Hey Marcs?” I eventually got out before chewing my bottom at how I was going to phrase this. “well we are best friends right? Why don’t we practise with each other? I heard that Bert and Reiner did that!” I grinned widely and patted the blushing freckled boy’s hair with a chuckle. Marco I could tell was thinking a bit (he always puffed out his cheeks when he thought) before he nodded and knelt up to me, our faces close. I gulped softly and remembered what I saw my parents do once, I cupped Marco’s face and traced each one of his freckles with my thumbs, he blushed hard and chuckled at me causing me to pout and whisper a ‘fuck you’. He kissed me first.. I don’t think I could describe how soft his lips felt on mine, it was like.. getting kissed by a freckled angel. There was no movement to start we were both nervous and inexperienced, so we just parted after our soft contact and smiled at one another. 

 

“T-Try again? Kiss like in the movies and wh-mmph“ silenced by my lips against his own again, I wanted to be the first this time and shakily moved my lips against Marco’s soft ones. Soon as two clumsy dorks we both got the hang of it and my hands stayed at his face whilst his rested on my thighs, I was soon surprised by my best friend’s tongue making a grand entrance into my mouth and that was how I discovered French kissing. I was French myself but I didn't realise it was this damn good and so sweet.

 

By the end of it we were both blushing nerds who were trying desperately to catch their breaths, to keep things less awkward I pushed Marco away from me and chuckled sticking out my tongue and rolling my eyes, he laughed and that’s how it ended we didn't even mention it or brought it up again.. it was like our little secret just like this hideout. So how did this.. perfectly good day turn into something that still haunts me even now?

 

We were walking back to our houses, Marco was sleeping over again and that meant another all nighter playing video games I was going to beat his sorry freckly ass a 5th time but to do that we’d have to leave our secret place, my mother had already text me that we had to start heading home as it was starting to get dark, we had never left the hideout dark before and we never did again.. I sometimes wonder whatever happened to the beanbags and stereo. It all happened in a blur, one moment we were laughing and walking along a cliff side to get back to the path home and then another, Marco was gone from my sight.. wait no.. he had fallen off.. hitting a another part of the cliff and laying there unconscious, I don’t know how I manage to get him that day but.. I did. I couldn't get down to his level, it was too dangerous so I had to improvise, his arm I could tell was broken and he was soon awake and wailing in pain asking me to help him.

 

After tying my jacket sleeve to my foot and tying it to a nearby tree I laid on my belly and leaned over the cliff edge holding out my arms. “MARCO GRAB MY HAND.. FUCKING REACH UP YOU FRECKLED FUCK!” I yelled, I got angrier the more panicked I got, my best friend was there crying and whimpering at me and I felt absolute anger that I wasn't tall enough and wasn't brave enough to jump down there and help him climb up. As I was having my yelling and screaming fit Marco got onto his tip toes holding his arm closely and grabbed my hand. “d-don’t let me go!” he sniffled looking up at me, it caused adrenaline to surge through my body.. take over my senses and I managed to pull him up and into my arms.

 

The next hour and a half was a blur, we had stayed sat there crying into each other’s arms before lights hit us and the sound of sirens came.. someone must've heard us yelling and called an ambulance, a lot of hikers came up this way.

 

Marco wasn't really the same after that.. he got more shy, more shut in and I hardly ever saw him and then came a time when I moved homes.. and I never saw him again.

 

It enters my mind a lot that day because I can’t help but think what I did wrong..why he stopped talking to me and just left me in the dust.. he didn't even hang out with me in school any more and paid more attention to Thomas Wagner. I was replaced so easily and I was alone till the day I moved to Sina. Now I am 19 year old college drop-out who is the son of an incredibly rich composer Armand Kirchstein and is expected great things but in reality I really couldn't give a fuck.. I didn't follow my father’s route and go on to learn multiple instruments I just enjoyed listening and collecting.. like my father did before he lost himself.


	2. Thank You For Loving Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean battles the truth of losing someone very dear to him, and just tries to have a normal day until he has to go through the worst day's of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo Chapter two a bit sad which I apologise for however suprises for the 3rd chapter to stay tuned!

“fuck.. Sa-.. Sa.. sh.. SASHA!” I practically yelled to get her attention, i’m sure the people in the store heard me as well. Goddammit. She was throwing pieces of bread at Connie’s mouth and sometimes it missed and hit the floor covering it with crumbs. I really loved but hated these two it’s like they did this on purpose.

 

“Jeez it’s someone’s time of the month huh Con?” Sasha giggled softly to her bald (not) boyfriend, seriously you could cut the sexual tension between those two with a knife. “Relax Monsieur Jeanbo.. we’ll clean it up” she said it in such a tone it was hard not to believe her but I knew for a fact i’d have to clean up anyways.. ah such is the life for Jean Kirchstein. I wouldn’t dare glare at Sasha but I did at Connie and he soon got the message by starting to clean up the mess the two idiots had made. To be honest they wasn’t supposed to work today anyways, the two husbands were supposed to work today Reiner and Bert but they hadn’t turned up yet which led me to call the fucking feast duo.  
I sighed loudly and ran my fingers through my hair, I was getting way more agitated with those two and they didn’t know why I wasn’t in the mood.. because well why the hell would I tell them? Her funeral was tomorrow..my mother’s I didn’t want any one’s sympathy so I didn’t tell them anything. I guess you could say I.. wanted to be alone with this, after my dad got big and was away all the time she was left alone because I went to college.. it was only till she was diagnosed with breast cancer later on was when I dropped out to spend my every day with her so that I could help her be happy and live whatever time she had left. I know for a fact I wasn’t the best son in the world.. but seeing her smile was all I wanted and I had that till the day she died 3 weeks ago. Dad wanted to do the funeral in the public eye.. so that everyone knew of her but I protested, screamed and kicked a fuss until he agreed with me and let me plan out my mother’s funeral. There was a time where my Papa was my hero and my role model.. but I guess fame changes even the best of men.

 

I wondered who would be coming altogether.. obviously my mother’s work friends Hanji and her boss Levi the thought of him bringing his new boy toy was a bit grotesque though, but judge not want not. My grandma and grandpa would make an appearance also.. plus several aunts and uncles.  
Would that be enough? For her to feel loved one more time before we had to move on and try and forget her for good? I sighed a bit too loudly again and Sasha caught on giving me a friendly pat on the back to bring me back into the world and good timing to since we had a customer.  
“welcome to Kirchstein And Son music antiquities! I am Jean and how can I help you today?” I smiled widely leaving the safety of behind the counter and actually going to the person who as it turned out.. I knew rather well. Armin Arlert.. my ex boyfriend in all intents and purposes, well when I say.. ex boyfriend.. what I really meant was we dated for like 4 minutes because I thought he was a girl and turned out he wasn’t.. let’s just say I was real drunk that night I don’t have an issue with homosexuals it’s just the last time I had kissed a boy.. he stopped talking to me.

 

“Jean.. Eren told me.. why didn’t you?” Armin frowned deeply a hand on my arm, I immediately froze up and sighed softly, even if we weren’t dating he still treated me as if I was precious; it reminded me of someone I once knew. 

 

“It’s at 5 O’clock Chapel Maria’s gardens..” I whispered softly looking away from him and moving his hand from my arm before heading back behind the safety of my counter and pricing up some instruments, Armin stared at me sadly before he sighed and nodded leaving the store with a soft “I am so sorry Jean” as he did so. This was why I didn’t want people knowing about my mother.. they would treat me differently.  
The store closed at 6pm and I was so grateful, incredibly grateful for that matter. I didn’t even say goodbye to Reiner and Bert who had eventually turned up all sweaty and red, you could tell what they had been up to.. they practically reeked of sex and to be honest I couldn’t be fucked to yell the whole store down because they were late.. I just let it slide pass without a thought just as I would tomorrow, because from tomorrow on.. I would be officially alone, dad was hardly at the house and it was basically mine now, I guess I could turn it into something funny like ‘oh look at all the rad house parties I could throw!’ but I definitely wasn’t that kind of person, I hardly had any friends so it technically was a moot point.

 

I couldn’t be bothered to eat when I got home even if I smelt the food the maid had made me before she left. “pork chops again.. can’t she fucking make anything else?” I grumbled softly throwing my coat on the floor before heading upstairs like a grumpy child, damn him for making me do this alone. No fuck him. Who needs an asshole like him anyway, I could take care of myself without a father I was 19 for god’s sake is what I wish I could say. I got straight on my bed and stared at the black dress suit i’d be wearing tomorrow, I don’t think I will able to stand the sympathetic looks tomorrow. I mean.. i’m already referred to as the heartless son for not even crying anyway, so there’s two ways I could be looked at tomorrow however.. I am just there for her, reading something for her, there’s even a special guest coming whom I don’t even know about and who’s singing song dedicated to her. I guess that’ll be the highlight of the whole day, the mystery guest hopefully he or she will do my mom some justice and sing a song she deserves. I actually wish it’s her favourite song.. Thank You For Loving Me by Bon Jovi... man she loved that song.


End file.
